And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
