My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
