I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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