Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
