I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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