it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
