At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
