Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
