My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
