Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
