Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize