I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
