he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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