I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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