So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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