They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
