This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
