I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
