even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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