He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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