i just wanna soil my oats bro
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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