just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
