He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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