Please, let me fuck your mom
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
