so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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