I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
