I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
