We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
