Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
