I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
