She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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