Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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