i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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