Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
