you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
