Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we made out on top of his cat.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
