apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize