I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
