you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
