Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
