btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
