Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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