You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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