I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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