His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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