in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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