Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
