Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
