I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
