you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
