if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
