I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
