Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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