this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
