people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
