worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
