Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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