Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
