i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
