Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
