they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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