people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
