were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
