If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
