He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize