Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
