there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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