i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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