Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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