I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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