oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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