its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
