Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize