trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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