I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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