I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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