He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
