They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
