omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize