I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
