I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize